September 24, 2008 - Wednesday Happy Birthday from ali

Happyness Current mood: content Category: Life
Last night i got a shocking but welcomed call. It start with a monkey singing me happy birthday as if that wasn't weird enough when the singing is done my ex gets on the phone and please remember that i'm in complete shock... here i'm thinking wow he remember my birthday.. how sweet.. we begun to talk and he told me how much he had missed me.. while last night was amazing i'm beginning to ask myslef what if he breaks my heart... I wounder will i really truely get over him. after all he is my first true love or is he.....its carzy because just hearing his voice gives me chills and makes me smile. I really should move on with my life.. and that my plan I love him i do and i always will and thats not going to change but I know that once a person's heart has been broken i dont believe that its possible to hear.. How do i even know the things he tells me are true. I believe him and i dont think he would lie.. lol wow i sound like those girls who are in deniel about there boyfriends cheating.. well its okay because he is not my boyfriend anymore and he will never be my boyfriend again.. I doint believe that i can develop trust for him.. and what hurts the most is when i think about what i thought we had before he cheated on me. I have to get over the past if we are going to have a future.. But i know we dont have a future.. look at all the odds against us.. one his muslim i'm jewish and we have such strong beliefs towards what we were raised to be and i know its going to hurt like hell but i'm letting go.... I dont want to feel this pain of feeling like i love him... I really do.. and I'm more then happy that we are talking but how do i know if this is true or real.. I love him i do but lets be realistic what future do we have together can you tell me that much..... I'm just going to let God take control of my life because everytime i make my own decisions they turn out wrong.. I love you, but I Dont know how its going to go.... hope for the best I know i will.
4:59 AM