Wednesday, May 20, 2009
DEar God
Hi god wow today was really a trip, I don't have to tell you because you saw everything. But god I ask you that if you saw that i was at fault in any kind of way i ask you to please forgive me and protect and watch over my soul and sprit as i fall asleep. God bless and thank you for giving me an awasome life and i know for a fact that if i did not have you in my life i would not be the same. I would probably be depressed and worried, sad but because i have you i rejoice. Thank you jesus
Does GOd really hate gay people
NO! He says its a sin... in most of the bible you will see it being reflected as a sin. These are the seven things that god hates.
Proverbs 6:16-19 tells us, "There are six things the LORD hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers." Notice that homosexuality does not make this list. It would be more biblical to promote phrases such as "God hates liars" and "God hates murderers." In fact, the Bible nowhere directly states that God hates homosexuals or homosexuality.
Proverbs 6:16-19 tells us, "There are six things the LORD hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers." Notice that homosexuality does not make this list. It would be more biblical to promote phrases such as "God hates liars" and "God hates murderers." In fact, the Bible nowhere directly states that God hates homosexuals or homosexuality.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
To my besty
You Were Always There
by Zac
Whenever I needed someone to talk toYou were always there.My eyes filled with tears, my heart filled with pain, andYou were always there.There was no time when I had doubtto come to you becauseYou were always there.I could see in your eyes you wanted to help, and that you really cared.Whenever I was down and blueYou were always there.No matter my problems, are what was wrongYou were always there.Whenever I felt like nothing mattersYou were always there.Now your gone, and I don't know what to doI close my eyes and think of you, and howYou were always there.It's hard to look at the pictures, and get memories of youCan you hear me nowAt night I pray, and I speak to youI guess you were right when you told me no matter how far you wereYou would always be there.I know one day I'll see you again, but till then I have to say goodbyeEven though it hurts to hear your name, and speak of youOne thing I will always say isYou were always there.
quoets and poems
"Life gives you choices but life doesn't choose your choices for you"-aline
although its quite a statement
it happens to be true
to the bestfriend that
i have ever had
i am glad to say its you
for many years i have hoped for you -aline
" many people know nothing but hate, so they grow up hating"-aline
"you only hate a person because they
better than you , even though you should
not hate anyone"-aline
" let all the kids who want to learn for me, come to me" jesus christ
"I love everyone in the world because god loved me"- aline
"true love is hard to find, once you find it dont let go"
lost friends
lost friends
why didnt i learn my lesson?
why didn't i know?
friends last forever
but guys....they come and go
because of a guy
our friendship is gond
for how long we have been friends
in an instant.... it was gone
how could a guy come between us
we were the best of friends
how can i do this?
because of my mistakes, our friendship had to end
i know its not possible
but i need you
if only i can go back
if only i can start a new
i look back with sadness
i have so much regret
i wake up each morning
and wish I'd forget
you helped me through everything
good times and bad
i just wish I'd die
I am so mad
I know your friendship is lost
and gone forever
will i forget you?
NO......... Never
a place for you there
will always be in my heart
even though forever
we remain apart
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Its a lesson to be learned
A day to remember
A girl sits in her room confused, sad, lonely
conflicted with a lost love who she thought was the man of her dreams
a break up, a broken heart, brokern soul
a memory she attempts to erase from her mind
a pain which she didn't deserve
a betray by someone who she loved and cared for
she cries many nights and prays for a better tommorow
her goal is to pray for a more freeing day
she asks was it coming to an end?
she prays for him and wishes him a better life
a prayer to heal her broken heart
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
I'm sad
I feel like crying but Im trying not to cry and this is sad and beraks my heart. I cant believe i countunie to feel like the way i do about someone who doesnt seem to care about me. this breaks my heart and makes me wonder how long this pain is going to last its just not fair and unjust. God please take my pain away send me an angel i really need on today and for a while god i need you and I feel like i cant take this pain anymore. please help me...
Prayers
Dear God,
I woke this morning and I pray that you guide me thru this broke up. Thank you so much god for countinunig to guide me thru life and I wish that i can countiniue to work for you. God you have guided me thru wars and thru the days when i felt like i could take my own life and you got me thru so much. when I was younger i use to dream of a day when i would feel peace and love and not have so much worries. I feel like i countunue to wait for that day its just seems to never come. God i loved him please let me know why i he cant just love me back the same way that i love him. God i pray for people all over the world. God is it just hard for him to tell me the truth about what i ask him. god what have i done to deserve this. and i know that you dont put something in my life that i can not handle and i believe that you will get me thru it all and i love you god and thank you so much for loving me for who I am and for never giving up on me. I pray that if we are soppused together that it works and if not let me heal so that i may have peace in myself. I love you god and thank you
I woke this morning and I pray that you guide me thru this broke up. Thank you so much god for countinunig to guide me thru life and I wish that i can countiniue to work for you. God you have guided me thru wars and thru the days when i felt like i could take my own life and you got me thru so much. when I was younger i use to dream of a day when i would feel peace and love and not have so much worries. I feel like i countunue to wait for that day its just seems to never come. God i loved him please let me know why i he cant just love me back the same way that i love him. God i pray for people all over the world. God is it just hard for him to tell me the truth about what i ask him. god what have i done to deserve this. and i know that you dont put something in my life that i can not handle and i believe that you will get me thru it all and i love you god and thank you so much for loving me for who I am and for never giving up on me. I pray that if we are soppused together that it works and if not let me heal so that i may have peace in myself. I love you god and thank you
Monday, April 27, 2009
Sept11
September 24, 2008 - Wednesday
read......... Current mood: blessed
Her hair was up in a pony tail,her favorite dress tied with a bow.Today was Daddy's Day at school,and she couldn't wait to go.But her mommy tried to tell her,that she probably should stay home.Why the kids might not understand,if she went to school alone.But she was not afraid; she knew just what to say. What to tell her classmates of why he wasn't there today.But still her mother worried,for her to face this day alone.And that was why once again,she tried to keep her daughter home.But the little girl went to schooleager to tell them all.About a dad she never sees;a dad who never calls.There were daddies along the wall in back, for everyone to meet.Children squirming impatiently,anxious in their seatsOne by one the teacher called a student from the class. To introduce their daddy, as seconds slowly passed.At last the teacher called her name,every child turned to stare.Each of them was searching,for a man who wasn't there."Where's her daddy at?"she heard a boy call out."She probably doesn't have one,"another student dared to shout.And from somewhere near the back,she heard a daddy say,"Looks like another deadbeat dad,too busy to waste his day."The words did not offend her,as she smiled up at her Mom.And looked back at her teacher,who told her to go on.And with hands behind her back,slowly she began to speak.And out from the mouth of a child,came words incredibly unique."My Daddy couldn't be here,because he lives so far away.But I know he wishes he could be,since this is such a special day.And though you cannot meet him,I wanted you to know.All about my daddy,and how much he loves me so.He loved to tell me storieshe taught me to ride my bike.He surprised me with pink roses,and taught me to fly a kite.We used to share fudge sundaes,and ice cream in a cone.And though you cannot see him.I'm not standing here alone."Cause my daddy's always with me,even though we are apartI know because he told me,he'll forever be in my heart"With that, her little hand reached up,and lay across her chest.Feeling her own heartbeat,beneath her favorite dress.And from somewhere here in the crowd of dads, her mother stood in tears.Proudly watching her daughter,who was wise beyond her years.For she stood up for the loveof a man not in her life.Doing what was best for her,doing what was right.And when she dropped her hand back down, staring straight into the crowd.She finished with a voice so soft,but its message clear and loud."I love my daddy very much,he's my shining star.And if he could, he'd be here,but heaven's just too farYou see he was a firefighterand died just this past yearWhen airplanes hit the towersand taught Americans to fear.But sometimes when I close my eyes,it's like he never went away."And then she closed her eyes,and she saw him there that day.And to her mothers amazement,she witnessed with surpriseA room full of daddies and children,all starting to close their eyes.Who knows what they saw before them,who knows what they felt inside.Perhaps for merely a second,they saw him at her side."I know you're with me Daddy,"to the silence she called out.And what happened next made believers,of those once filled with doubt.Not one in that room could explain it,for each of their eyes had been closed.But there on the desk beside her,was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose.And a child was blessed, if only for a moment,by the love of her shining star.And given the gift of believing,that heaven is never too far.
5:28 AM
read......... Current mood: blessed
Her hair was up in a pony tail,her favorite dress tied with a bow.Today was Daddy's Day at school,and she couldn't wait to go.But her mommy tried to tell her,that she probably should stay home.Why the kids might not understand,if she went to school alone.But she was not afraid; she knew just what to say. What to tell her classmates of why he wasn't there today.But still her mother worried,for her to face this day alone.And that was why once again,she tried to keep her daughter home.But the little girl went to schooleager to tell them all.About a dad she never sees;a dad who never calls.There were daddies along the wall in back, for everyone to meet.Children squirming impatiently,anxious in their seatsOne by one the teacher called a student from the class. To introduce their daddy, as seconds slowly passed.At last the teacher called her name,every child turned to stare.Each of them was searching,for a man who wasn't there."Where's her daddy at?"she heard a boy call out."She probably doesn't have one,"another student dared to shout.And from somewhere near the back,she heard a daddy say,"Looks like another deadbeat dad,too busy to waste his day."The words did not offend her,as she smiled up at her Mom.And looked back at her teacher,who told her to go on.And with hands behind her back,slowly she began to speak.And out from the mouth of a child,came words incredibly unique."My Daddy couldn't be here,because he lives so far away.But I know he wishes he could be,since this is such a special day.And though you cannot meet him,I wanted you to know.All about my daddy,and how much he loves me so.He loved to tell me storieshe taught me to ride my bike.He surprised me with pink roses,and taught me to fly a kite.We used to share fudge sundaes,and ice cream in a cone.And though you cannot see him.I'm not standing here alone."Cause my daddy's always with me,even though we are apartI know because he told me,he'll forever be in my heart"With that, her little hand reached up,and lay across her chest.Feeling her own heartbeat,beneath her favorite dress.And from somewhere here in the crowd of dads, her mother stood in tears.Proudly watching her daughter,who was wise beyond her years.For she stood up for the loveof a man not in her life.Doing what was best for her,doing what was right.And when she dropped her hand back down, staring straight into the crowd.She finished with a voice so soft,but its message clear and loud."I love my daddy very much,he's my shining star.And if he could, he'd be here,but heaven's just too farYou see he was a firefighterand died just this past yearWhen airplanes hit the towersand taught Americans to fear.But sometimes when I close my eyes,it's like he never went away."And then she closed her eyes,and she saw him there that day.And to her mothers amazement,she witnessed with surpriseA room full of daddies and children,all starting to close their eyes.Who knows what they saw before them,who knows what they felt inside.Perhaps for merely a second,they saw him at her side."I know you're with me Daddy,"to the silence she called out.And what happened next made believers,of those once filled with doubt.Not one in that room could explain it,for each of their eyes had been closed.But there on the desk beside her,was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose.And a child was blessed, if only for a moment,by the love of her shining star.And given the gift of believing,that heaven is never too far.
5:28 AM
Rights
September 24, 2008 - Wednesday
You Must read.. HATE is to strong love takes courage Category: Life
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.I am the boy who never finished high school, because I got called a fag everydayI am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.I am the woman who died when the EMTs stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didnt have to always deal with society hating me.I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.I am a warrior for my country serving proud, but can't be my true self because gays aren't allowed in the military.I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.I am the person ashamed to tell my own friends I'm a lesbian, because they constantly make fun of them.I am the boy tied to a fence, beaten to a bloody pulp and left to die because two straight men wanted to "teach me a lesson."
5:15 AM
You Must read.. HATE is to strong love takes courage Category: Life
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.I am the boy who never finished high school, because I got called a fag everydayI am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.I am the woman who died when the EMTs stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didnt have to always deal with society hating me.I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.I am a warrior for my country serving proud, but can't be my true self because gays aren't allowed in the military.I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.I am the person ashamed to tell my own friends I'm a lesbian, because they constantly make fun of them.I am the boy tied to a fence, beaten to a bloody pulp and left to die because two straight men wanted to "teach me a lesson."
5:15 AM
I should of learned
September 22, 2008 - Monday
Daddy Tried to warn me Current mood: confused Category: Life
"lily be carefull, he is just another guy" I remember trying to explain to my dad why he was different, why he wasnt going to break my heart, he was sweet, kind, respectful and many more. how could this be the same man that would break my heart after all we were friends, I was raised to believe that friends don't lie to each other, and everyone deserves a second chance. what i never learned was what if the person you loved lost both of their chances... I should of listened to my daddy after all he has never been wrong so far. was i so blinded by this thing so called LOVE that i could'nt think for myself, is it true what they say that love is like a drug and it can be very addictive. I don't miss what we had No i really don't because I'm not stupied i know that everything has to come to an end and i shouldnt try to run my own life i should just let god handle it. but I so still wonder why it had to happen to me, maybe its because i had left david to be with you.... and in breaking his heart, god was teaching me a lesson, or could it be when i broke, pon pons heart.. well what ever it is i know that everything happens for a reason and the sooner i can learn to forgive you the better i will live my life... Its crazy that when i'm trying to stay single Guys all want to aske me out.. its to bad they dont know my story.. hey cant understand the pain i'm going through... while listening to the preacher preach i heard something inside me keep reminging me that everything in this world has a reason and while i doint understand what is going on right know i will be okay.. and i believe that i will. and pulse when a soldier get hurt in Battle it takes time to recover and that all I need is more time.... I don't miss the sex, but i do miss what i thought was a friend to me even though i was wrong... I wanted the best for you.. so how do i recover, I should of listend to my daddy, then maybe i wouldnt be in this sitution.. to start after all he has been there and he has broken many hearts... I hope I recover soon.. I dont always feel this pain.. it on those days when i'm sitting and looking at those pictures from my gradution i begin to cry.. but today i have deleted all of them in hoping that will help me forget about you.......... Karma is a bitch and i'm letting it handle it...
4:34 PM
Daddy Tried to warn me Current mood: confused Category: Life
"lily be carefull, he is just another guy" I remember trying to explain to my dad why he was different, why he wasnt going to break my heart, he was sweet, kind, respectful and many more. how could this be the same man that would break my heart after all we were friends, I was raised to believe that friends don't lie to each other, and everyone deserves a second chance. what i never learned was what if the person you loved lost both of their chances... I should of listened to my daddy after all he has never been wrong so far. was i so blinded by this thing so called LOVE that i could'nt think for myself, is it true what they say that love is like a drug and it can be very addictive. I don't miss what we had No i really don't because I'm not stupied i know that everything has to come to an end and i shouldnt try to run my own life i should just let god handle it. but I so still wonder why it had to happen to me, maybe its because i had left david to be with you.... and in breaking his heart, god was teaching me a lesson, or could it be when i broke, pon pons heart.. well what ever it is i know that everything happens for a reason and the sooner i can learn to forgive you the better i will live my life... Its crazy that when i'm trying to stay single Guys all want to aske me out.. its to bad they dont know my story.. hey cant understand the pain i'm going through... while listening to the preacher preach i heard something inside me keep reminging me that everything in this world has a reason and while i doint understand what is going on right know i will be okay.. and i believe that i will. and pulse when a soldier get hurt in Battle it takes time to recover and that all I need is more time.... I don't miss the sex, but i do miss what i thought was a friend to me even though i was wrong... I wanted the best for you.. so how do i recover, I should of listend to my daddy, then maybe i wouldnt be in this sitution.. to start after all he has been there and he has broken many hearts... I hope I recover soon.. I dont always feel this pain.. it on those days when i'm sitting and looking at those pictures from my gradution i begin to cry.. but today i have deleted all of them in hoping that will help me forget about you.......... Karma is a bitch and i'm letting it handle it...
4:34 PM
A broken heart
September 23, 2008 - Tuesday
Giving up was the hardest. Love what a mistake Current mood: bummed Category: Life
So we spent many days and nights thinking about what we have lost. I ask myself was it worth it to you to lose me? Was i that important to you or does that even matter to you. I almost want to move on but im choosing to hold out. My friend or maybe my other half tells me. " Lily you are a beautiful young woman with goals dreams and a future. The pain you feel now is only momentray it means nothing. So what you loose your first love im here to promise you that u will have lots of what might seem like heart breaks and they will hurt like hell and the longer u have known the guy the harder it will be to forget about them but i promise you that u will. As you grow so do your understandings u might feel like your world is coming to an end but your life will go on. You say that you loved him but dont you remember the girl who lost her life to a guy that she loved. Giving up isnt going to be easy your going to have nights with tears where you will feel like hell but your heart will heal i promise. Bye love
10:55 AM
Giving up was the hardest. Love what a mistake Current mood: bummed Category: Life
So we spent many days and nights thinking about what we have lost. I ask myself was it worth it to you to lose me? Was i that important to you or does that even matter to you. I almost want to move on but im choosing to hold out. My friend or maybe my other half tells me. " Lily you are a beautiful young woman with goals dreams and a future. The pain you feel now is only momentray it means nothing. So what you loose your first love im here to promise you that u will have lots of what might seem like heart breaks and they will hurt like hell and the longer u have known the guy the harder it will be to forget about them but i promise you that u will. As you grow so do your understandings u might feel like your world is coming to an end but your life will go on. You say that you loved him but dont you remember the girl who lost her life to a guy that she loved. Giving up isnt going to be easy your going to have nights with tears where you will feel like hell but your heart will heal i promise. Bye love
10:55 AM
My moms loves
September 24, 2008 - Wednesday
My mommy loves me Category: Life
My mother who has worked hard to make sure that we all survived loves me.. I have recently realized that my mother would give her own life for me. while her and i have not always seen eye to eye my mother has always been right she loves me.. and she is one of the best people alive. if i could just take all pain and worries away i would just to see her smile like she was smiling today it was the most beutiful thing in the world to hear my mother tell me that she loves me for the first time in my life and it felt so good.. I love my mother the woman who raised this wonderful woman that you all see before you today. everything i do i do for my family and i just wanted to tell my mother that i'm sorry for ever being a disobient daughter i have always loved her but i didnt know that she loved me back. I love you dear mama and i say thank you for everything you have done for me I love you I truely do. I wish i could take all your pain mama i know you didnt mean to hurt me when i was younger i can see that maybe i was wrong. look i will try harder mama to make sure that i make you proud. i cry once in a while because while we live in the same house it breaks my heart because we have not had a mother daughter relationshipe i might act like it doesnt bother me but it reallty does... mommy ilove you and i wish that i can take some time back, but i'm sure you would tell me that everything happend for a reason and ll we have to do is move on with our lives. I LOVE YOU MOMMY
5:02 AM
My mommy loves me Category: Life
My mother who has worked hard to make sure that we all survived loves me.. I have recently realized that my mother would give her own life for me. while her and i have not always seen eye to eye my mother has always been right she loves me.. and she is one of the best people alive. if i could just take all pain and worries away i would just to see her smile like she was smiling today it was the most beutiful thing in the world to hear my mother tell me that she loves me for the first time in my life and it felt so good.. I love my mother the woman who raised this wonderful woman that you all see before you today. everything i do i do for my family and i just wanted to tell my mother that i'm sorry for ever being a disobient daughter i have always loved her but i didnt know that she loved me back. I love you dear mama and i say thank you for everything you have done for me I love you I truely do. I wish i could take all your pain mama i know you didnt mean to hurt me when i was younger i can see that maybe i was wrong. look i will try harder mama to make sure that i make you proud. i cry once in a while because while we live in the same house it breaks my heart because we have not had a mother daughter relationshipe i might act like it doesnt bother me but it reallty does... mommy ilove you and i wish that i can take some time back, but i'm sure you would tell me that everything happend for a reason and ll we have to do is move on with our lives. I LOVE YOU MOMMY
5:02 AM
September 24, 2008 - Wednesday Happy Birthday from ali
Happyness Current mood: content Category: Life
Last night i got a shocking but welcomed call. It start with a monkey singing me happy birthday as if that wasn't weird enough when the singing is done my ex gets on the phone and please remember that i'm in complete shock... here i'm thinking wow he remember my birthday.. how sweet.. we begun to talk and he told me how much he had missed me.. while last night was amazing i'm beginning to ask myslef what if he breaks my heart... I wounder will i really truely get over him. after all he is my first true love or is he.....its carzy because just hearing his voice gives me chills and makes me smile. I really should move on with my life.. and that my plan I love him i do and i always will and thats not going to change but I know that once a person's heart has been broken i dont believe that its possible to hear.. How do i even know the things he tells me are true. I believe him and i dont think he would lie.. lol wow i sound like those girls who are in deniel about there boyfriends cheating.. well its okay because he is not my boyfriend anymore and he will never be my boyfriend again.. I doint believe that i can develop trust for him.. and what hurts the most is when i think about what i thought we had before he cheated on me. I have to get over the past if we are going to have a future.. But i know we dont have a future.. look at all the odds against us.. one his muslim i'm jewish and we have such strong beliefs towards what we were raised to be and i know its going to hurt like hell but i'm letting go.... I dont want to feel this pain of feeling like i love him... I really do.. and I'm more then happy that we are talking but how do i know if this is true or real.. I love him i do but lets be realistic what future do we have together can you tell me that much..... I'm just going to let God take control of my life because everytime i make my own decisions they turn out wrong.. I love you, but I Dont know how its going to go.... hope for the best I know i will.
4:59 AM
Last night i got a shocking but welcomed call. It start with a monkey singing me happy birthday as if that wasn't weird enough when the singing is done my ex gets on the phone and please remember that i'm in complete shock... here i'm thinking wow he remember my birthday.. how sweet.. we begun to talk and he told me how much he had missed me.. while last night was amazing i'm beginning to ask myslef what if he breaks my heart... I wounder will i really truely get over him. after all he is my first true love or is he.....its carzy because just hearing his voice gives me chills and makes me smile. I really should move on with my life.. and that my plan I love him i do and i always will and thats not going to change but I know that once a person's heart has been broken i dont believe that its possible to hear.. How do i even know the things he tells me are true. I believe him and i dont think he would lie.. lol wow i sound like those girls who are in deniel about there boyfriends cheating.. well its okay because he is not my boyfriend anymore and he will never be my boyfriend again.. I doint believe that i can develop trust for him.. and what hurts the most is when i think about what i thought we had before he cheated on me. I have to get over the past if we are going to have a future.. But i know we dont have a future.. look at all the odds against us.. one his muslim i'm jewish and we have such strong beliefs towards what we were raised to be and i know its going to hurt like hell but i'm letting go.... I dont want to feel this pain of feeling like i love him... I really do.. and I'm more then happy that we are talking but how do i know if this is true or real.. I love him i do but lets be realistic what future do we have together can you tell me that much..... I'm just going to let God take control of my life because everytime i make my own decisions they turn out wrong.. I love you, but I Dont know how its going to go.... hope for the best I know i will.
4:59 AM
Confused 3:26am
lily, you are to young to know what you really want right now... and while i know that i'm young i'm also not stupid. I think to myself could i really be in love with him, or i'm just afraid of being alone.. and the answer seems to always never appear... I want to believe that i love him, I'm afraid admit that i love him out of the fear of knowing that he might not love me. but he tells me he loves me and while i know he could be lying, why is so hard for me to just know that what i want to know. i talk to my REAL friends and they tell me that he is a good guy but what do they know. Lord I dont like feeling so unsure. I want to tell myself that i dont love him but i think i do love him.... I hope that i'm not in for another heart break.. and what i cnat understand about myself is why if someone has alreayd hurt me once why do i insist on putting myself in a sitution where i might get hurt... oh well I got friends who will get me through the next heart-break...
with love lily
with love lily
He Lied and Cheated October 22, 2008 - Wednesday 12:26AM
The hardest thing that a young woman or man will have to go through is fallling in love with someone who doesnt love them back. trust me when i tell you this it hurts like hell. you want to stop thinking about the person, but it seems almost impossible. Well hello my Name is lily and i used to love this guy with all my heart it felt like we were a match made in heaven. the days we spent together and the fights we had meant nothing. i trusted hime with my life i thought that he would always have my back. we had been friends before we bacame lovers so i thought that our friendship would have been strong enough for him to able to tell me anything but i was wrong... he lied, cheated, and broke my heart... my brother, my bestfriend, my lover i wondered for months how he could of done that to me... for him to look at me in the eyes and swear to me and god that he loved and that he wasn't cheating on me. Was i wrong to believe him after all he had been my BESTFRIEND the one that i could have told all my secrets and i knew that i wouldn't be jugded. I thought it would be a mistake for us to start dating and yes i was right NEVER date your friends.. see for me I was okay just having sex with him... i didnt really want the whole relationship thing. we had been doing just fine with me having a boyfriend and him having his girlfriend. but i ask "WHY" di you want to change that if you knew that you were going to break my heart. one can only make so many mistakes... and since i believed in second chances i gave you one.. after all i REALLY loved you with all my heart so i figured you just made a mistake. was i so sary you couldnt tell me about the other girl after all those Years of knowing me what gave you the Idea that i ould mind seeing other people..... I'm christian you muslim you had already made it clear that we had no future as husband and wife so why could you just tell me... well I guess this is the price i pay for falling in love. even though i still think about you. I hope one of these day you and our memories will be in the past.. i ask my friends how i'm soppused to feel noone seems to have answer so what do i do.... today is one of those days where i cry over you..... but i know and understand that this pain can only last for so long... I made a mistake and i have to live with it and My mistake was loving a man who loved someone Else.... Bye ( tears)
August 13, 2008 7:30AM This is me
Through the eyes of……… outgoing, outspoken,courageous Illustrious, Inspiring, Genuine Brave, Bold, Brilliant. Beautiful, Intelligent, Inspiring Wondrous, Luminous, Extraordinary Wise, Funny, Unstoppable Outspoken, Confident, Kind Strong, loving, free spirit! mature, determined, self-motivated Beautiful, Inside/Out. Outgoing, candid, collaborator sincere,benevolent, energetic unconditional friend, determined, leader Crazy, funny, outgoing! Strong, Resilient, Affectionate. You are a Leader! Determined, Visionary, Compassionate radiant, intruiging This is who I AM
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