You bastard!

You bent me over at 4 years old and convinced me that some how it was my fault I did something wrong. I often blamed my parents how did they not know that I was sexually abused all those years. I was so young I couldn't have possibly asked for it. But my abusers would remind me that no one would beloved me and that is sickly true because other little ones died trying to tell the truth! The truth doesn't matter he could rape me, in pregnant me and abort the fetus and get away with it. He beats away with murder. Gets away with the murder of my soul, my fetus and my childhood. If I tell I know that I will

Be responsible for the death of my family as a four year old. 

Today I didn't die I hope to live more days

-No headlines

-No hashtags

-I ate my bullet simple as that.

-no there was nothing you could of door to help me.

-no you were an excellent friend

- I didn't come to you because I didn't want to be alive

-no there was nothing anyone can do

-yes I had received therapy for the demons that haunted me

-yes I tried. Fucking dam it I tried so hard to stay alive

-for the last 5 years I have lived for my family and friends, for work, for school. 

-I tried to find my pursue of happiness but the darkness that tagged at my heart constantly is what killed me

-I was no longer functional I was simply zooming through day by day.

-I was no longer alive inside

-I got tired. So tired of pretending to be happy

-please know that I have tried a lot to happy, not even happy but simply functional

-you all saw me smiling and laughing and I really needed a Grammy for my acting skills.

-I should of maybe tried harder..but how much harder

-I tried throughout the last 5 years to not kill myself but I couldn't

-do not cry for me

-I needed to die because I could no longer live!

-I promise what ever your beliefs are I am happier and in a better place! I am happier. I am resting in peace.

----the asshole who raped me as a little girl and caused a ripple affect of more rapes happening to me. I hate that you rapists won, you fucking win.. I am no longer a burden to anyone anymore but more importantly I am no longer in pain---

PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR EATING MY GUN!!